House Of Cards
by AmyDeHP
Summary: Annie Cresta's life after Finnick's death. Cover drawn by Alice X. Zhang.


What I have come here to do, is still a mystery to me.

Everything here reminds me of him somehow. His house has been empty since he got reaped to the Quarter Quell, and yet it's full of his esprit like he was here just a minute ago… or like he still is.

Why am I here? I have my own Victory Village house. Then why am I here? And why do I have this crazy urge to live here, and nowhere else? Maybe to remind myself that before he… left… I'd become his wife? That I'd held his name –Well, I still do-? That if he were still here, this is where we would have lived?

I sighed… inhaled.

I wanted to run out immediately and never come to this house again… but I didn't. I didn't want to be reminded of that smell… I didn't, because I'm never going to smell it again. The house smelled like him. I don't know how it still does, or why, but it did smell like him: The breeze of the ocean… his clean, but very manly smell.

Soon enough, I'll have to get over shock and disbelief mood and face the facts. Some facts I could live with… for the sake of my baby… like the fact that I'll never wake up for his eyes again, or the fact that I'll never make him good-morning coffee and see him smile and thank me, kissing my hand. And, the facts I couldn't live with. Like the memories of the pain on his face every time he came from his annual visit to The Capitol, or the fact that he never got the happiness he deserved for being the bravest man I ever knew. Well, except maybe those few months of our heavenly marriage.

About the baby? Ever since Finnick left, I'm dreaming of him every single night. Playing with me at the beach… He was more beautiful than anything I've ever seen, maybe except only his father. I pray more than anything that he becomes everything like him. I don't want him to inherit anything from me… his father was everything I want him to be.

He'll live without his father. Well, this is another fact that I have to live with.

I sit on the couch. I think the last two people who sat here were him and Mags, the night before the reaping. I don't know what they did. Did they pray? Did they say goodbye to each other? Did they think of the life they were leaving behind? Mags insisted to take my place and all my protesting went to waste. Finnick's despair was impossible not to notice; I'm sure he'd be just as sad for Mags as for me. Yet he let Mags decide.

I start to cry and I get hungry. It's not that strange, I'm after all pregnant. I go to the kitchen not knowing what to expect. Even if there were any food here, it'd certainly be too old to be edible. I entered the kitchen. Empty dishes were in the sink, obviously dirty, yet untouched. I'm sure this was his and Mags' last meal here and he should have washed them, but he thought they were going to die anyway so he just left them that way. I laughed from behind my tears at the memory of him acting like a child, like he usually did, lying about washing the dishes.

And then I cry even more, remembering the last time he looked genuinely happy and fearless. After he knew about the mission to The Capitol, he told me nothing, but I know him so well it was impossible not to notice his discomfort. But before it… he was very happy… like a child. I didn't want it to end not because I was happy, but because he was.

But it _did_ end. It _is_ over.

I search the drawers and the cupboards but there's nothing but empty, clean dishes and cups. More silence, severe reminders of the absence of the last members of my family.

An empty bottle of wine. Another reminder of Finnick; how he never drank any alcohol. He once said to me that he's scared if he tasted it once, he'd get addicted to it and slowly slip from reality to the empty world of alcoholics and drug addicts. After all, it would have been more comfortable to him than a world where he was unmercifully tortured daily. And yet, he didn't want to. It must have been Mags'…

But the empty bottle of wine also reminded me of someone else, and my last conversation with him. Haymitch Abernathy.

The battle at The Capitol was over with an explosion. One explosion that happened at the city circle, more specifically at Snow's mansion. It was announced, before, that Finnick, along with his squad, Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne and others, had died in an explosion. I wasn't allowed to know that by then… I was only informed when Finnick really died. At the sewers. He was decapitated in a tunnel.

I was scared of decapitation after what happened to my district partner more than anything else… and Finnick was afraid to die not seeing the sun… in a dark corner. I have to forget the fact that he died the worst death possible for both of us.

Anyway, this is how I was told that I'll never see my husband again: A few days after Finnick died… I was taken to The Capitol. I was invited to a special gathering to the remaining living victors. I didn't want to be there again. I hated that city. They killed my man slowly through years… But it was mandatory, so I went there.

It was a mess. They were still interrogating those who remained from the rebels' army and counting the corpses to get to the exact amount and identities of the dead. I was in the room they lent me in Snow's mansion (I hated with every bit of my body being there, but I had no other choice) when Haymitch Abernathy and Peeta Mellark came in.

I barely knew Haymitch, but as for Peeta, we were torture-mates if the expression is correct. He'd become a fire mutt, apparently, the explosion in the city circle caught him, too.

I saluted them both with half a brain. I was scared as hell. Where was Finnick? Why wasn't he with them?

They exchanged looks before I ask my very first question… the question they read in my eyes.

"Let's say… Annie… there was a lot of… misleading information. And some facts." Said Haymitch.

"What happened?" I was frozen.

"Our squad barely made it through an explosion. Our death was announced on national TV. Of course, it was an important squad, we had Katniss, The Mockingjay, and of course Finnick, Gale and I are… quiet famous. Such an announcement would be a strong strike against the rebels."

"But it wasn't true…" I said. Does this mean Finnick was okay? He was just injured, and he'll be good… he'll come back to me…

"It wasn't true. But then, once they discovered we were not dead…" Said Peeta, mortified…

No… Please, don't say it… please, I have nobody else…

"They sent mutts after us."

"Peeta… just tell me please." I was whispering, my voice was dead. "Where is my husband? Where is Finnick?"

Again, he exchanged looks with Haymitch. Haymitch just looked at the ground, and Peeta looked at me… expressionless.

"Annie…"

"No…"

"I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry Annie… We failed to save him." Peeta's eyes were reddish, then.

I don't know how I received this. Until this moment, I'm unsure how I reacted back then. What did my face look like, and how many beats did my heart skip… Did I cry? Did I shiver, or did I just freeze? Did I cover my ears with my hands? All I remember is Peeta's hands around my shoulders.

"I loved him too. He saved me so many times… so many times I can't even count. But the last time he did, he saved my brain from collapsing. Yet I failed to save him. I failed to pay one of his many debts. There's only one thing I can give to you, Annie…"

Out of his pocket, he took a rope. I recognized it. It was Finnick's rope… his own way of fighting his sadness… of not letting it take over him. I took it in my hand and stared at it. I was still numb.

"We've also retrieved the trident." Said Haymitch, gently. "It was the last thing he held before his death, perhaps you'll want it."

"How about…" I said with a trembling voice.

"About?"

"His body. Can I see it?" One last look at him.

Again, my two visitors exchanged looks.

"Annie… we're sorry. The rope and the trident are the only memories of him we could retrieve."

"And the body?"

"There is no body. Katniss blew up the tunnel where he died to kill the mutts."

"His body was blown up." My voice was still dead… cold.

Haymitch nodded.

"How did the mutts kill him?" I don't even know why I asked that question.

Peeta looked at me… bothered.

"Does it really matter… or help, knowing…."

"I'd just like to know."

An instant of silence.

"They decapitated him." Said Haymitch. "But that's… better than some other stuff, right? It means he died instantly, no pain… remember that kid from the 74th hunger games, who was torn apart for hours…"

"Haymitch, please…" Said Peeta.

"I'm sorry."

That's when, I remember for certain, I cried. They looked at me in pity. Peeta occasionally looked at Haymitch angrily, but most of the time he looked at me.

My husband's body turned into some flesh and drips of blood covering the walls of a tunnel in The Capitol.

"Are you sure you still want the trident?" Said Peeta.

"Yes." I whispered. "Please, Peeta, Haymitch… anything that's left of him… any other weapon he held, clothes he wore… please, send them to me."

"We will." Peeta promised.

After that, they left me for hours and days to cry alone. Peeta visited me sometimes, and so did Haymitch and Johanna Mason and Beetee, and even Gale Hawthorne once.

I remembered all that in front of the bottle of wine, and that's when I stopped my current of memories to let something else take place: Decisions.

I will live here. I want to be where he was… I want to raise my son where he lived. I don't want to forget him even if it would minimize the pain… I want him to stay alive in every single way… one of those ways in being constantly in my memory.

First thing's first… let's let the sea breeze in. Finnick's smell.

I opened the windows and inhaled. Suddenly I felt sleepy.

I didn't even think about choosing a room… I'll sleep in his bedroom. The first thing that hit me when I opened the door was the current of memories. The last time I slept in his bed was the night before the reaping. I let him calm me down and braid my hair before I go to sleep like he always did. It was early, for I'd totally lost control and started crying and screaming at the thought of him gone, he had to put me in bed.

I sigh again. He's gone, and I'm here. But soon, I won't be alone.

I lied on the bed remembering him, but not the fact that he's gone. I'll just think that he's at the beach right now… catching us some fish for dinner.

I only blinked and he was there.

As perfect as one of those statues of old, exotic mythical gods I once saw in a history book… he lied next to me. His perfect sea green eyes were scanning mine… his perfect full lips were close to mine… but he didn't kiss me, he smiled at me.

"Annie…"

"Finnick!"

I hugged him so tight it almost hurt.

"Finnick… they said…"

"It was a nightmare, my love…" He said, kissing my hair and forehead. "It wasn't true. I'm always here."

"Finn…" I whispered, and then I kissed him. His lips tasted as sweet as ever, and his warm breath covered my face. My eyes were closed and my fingers were messing with his hair. I didn't want it to end.

But when I opened my eyes again, he wasn't there. His smell was still present, and I could swear I could still taste his kiss on my lips, but he wasn't there.

And then I think I cried for like an hour before I could sleep again.


End file.
